1006G『Dream with Sazerac组』By 草莓酱爆虾---Please, No Hindsight

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

一时不知如何开口，呵呵~~我真的很高兴在今天晚上看到这篇招新的帖子，真的很happy  o(≧v≦)o
对于AW不是新手了，但是水平很不够，目前的有效积累是：
1.之前搞定过红宝，记忆情况比较明朗，但是由于上次复习距现在已有不短时间，一部分还记得，一部分不熟了，现在看ECO. TIME等文章的感觉跟以前看大不一样，要查的词也变的多了，pia自己~
2.复习过AW，但过程并不完整，Intro，EW完完整整各看过2遍，有笔记；精华帖读过不能说大部分，但也应该不少啦，有思考，但有更多不明朗的地方T_T

说老实话，我是个坚持和懒惰集一体的人o(╯□╰)o~ 我在决心考G和背单词的时候自己很努力，单词背厌了就很期待着复习新的东西，但是当我接触了AW，走过了AW的不少弯路以后，不仅认识到AW的艰巨，更认识到的是自己的匮乏，如果对自己要求不高，对AW并不感冒，我也就去考了，可是就是因为在被其折磨的同时还引起了自己的思考，于是乎摆明了一个态度：应考对于我来说只能激发出懒惰的那一部分，而我希望达到的是真正水平的提高，不要考完成绩不好，浪费时间不说，自己跟考试之前几乎等于没有变化，这也是我为什么给日志起名no hindsight，就是不要事后才说我当初应该怎样怎样....所以我想要再努力，进步&坚持就没有遗憾。这是我自己想要好好复习AW的决心，哈，希望加入斑竹小组是因为：
1.话说我这个日子出生的人是“孤独的行动者”，某种程度上还真是的，但是考G过程中我深知战友有多么重要（刚看了爪子关于team的帖子，赞同的很哈）战友之情从朋友开始，大家互相信任团结才能在一起为未来浴血奋斗，that's what i'm looking for~~放心吧斑竹大人，会为了小组好好做贡献的哈！
2.之前有一段复习是纯个人的，寂寞倒是次要，那种不知道自己的东西正确与否、没有人商讨的心情是很讨厌的，所以很想加入小组，有考虑过自己组建，但一想到自己的，额，懒惰个性...就想还是不要再拖别人下水了吧，嘿嘿~~
3.算了算自己的时间，应该还是与小组同步的，我期末比较早，12月底就开始直到1月8，我尽力完成小组任务，待到寒假全面开花，哈哈~
4.anyway~貌似想说啥来着硬是给忘了...话说我也不多废话了哈，好好努力才是王道，飘走~~~~~~

PS. 刚刚看到斑竹愿意收留我的通知了，激动的飘走~~~

AdelineShenUID: 2630498

哇，沙发~

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

小组正式运行有两天了，2月底的考试，也该给自己做个规划啦：↖(^ω^)↗
目前小组还是以基础工作为主，话说我很喜欢做eco.哈哈，不仅学到了语料和素材，也很有完成的成就感，但是也不能仅仅指望小组来学习，不论是AW还是笔试、T，自己不掌握主动权是不行的，态度是首位~~今天大致安排了一下，在小组任务之外，自己还应该打好下面这些基础，最好在寒假之前，虽然有末考o(>﹏<)o，但是尽量吧，因为寒假后就是正式练习为主，还是老老实实不要拖欠吧，嘿嘿，关于这些方面的思考和总结也会写在日志里~~~
1、intro+官方范文：这些材料看再多遍都不嫌多，还有解读以前也都看过，感觉刚刚看过的那几天记忆较为新鲜，对于AW的感觉就很上道，但是如果有一段时间没看或者看的不多，那种感觉就没有了，sigh~~至少对我来说，还是要多看哪，而且要多总结，每次看完都有新的感受~~
2、语法+EW：重要性同上，一向认为自己语法运用不够熟练，写出来的文章如果没有什么语法错误就感觉表达比较挫，比较简单，如果写的复杂一点对于语法其实不是很拿的准，这一部分可能没有大问题，但是对我现在还不做不到心里明明白白，是我被它拽着跑，而不是它为我所用。。。杯(╯﹏╰）
3、精华摘要
4、个人练习和资料
总之，积累再积累，融汇再融汇，练习再练习，小宇宙才能爆发~~！

nvligreUID: 2689384

同感语法部分很头疼555555.

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

4# nvligre
一起加油~~咱非不信就栽在这坑儿上了~~我以前光看没有用，估计还是得背呢

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

今天考试，小组讨论没有赶上~~这两天的讨论还是挺有收获的，组员们都很好很有才呢~~
话说今天地震了，写上来纪念一下（同学都头晕了，我很白痴的一点感觉没有o(╯□╰)o）
快断网了，不多说了，抓紧补作业去~~~

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

某虾自己过的一篇A范：

Topic: Silver Screen Movies

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Silver Screen Movie Production Company.

"According to a recent report from our marketing department, fewer people attended movies produced by Silver Screen during the past year than in any other year.
And yet the percentage of generally favorable comments by movie reviewers about specific Silver Screen movies actually increased during this period.
Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers; so the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available.
Silver Screen should therefore spend more of its budget next year on reaching the public through advertising and less on producing new movies."
最近调查显示去年看S制造的电影的人比任何一年都少↘
同时对具体的S电影支持的影评百分数增加了→问题不在于影片质量而在于受众没有获得信息→S下一年应增加广告宣传的预算减少新电影制造
这个回应的结果并不包括我们未来的预期观众↗
调查问题；假因（影评人；叫座）；过去将来；adv:disadv（正好相反的结果）——自己的想法只局限于逻辑错误找大找全，确实没有深入挖掘更多的可能原因。

SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
(347)
特点：就结论提出的措施来考虑实施其所需考虑的其他因素，其实正好借这些因素的合理性指出并反驳了题中认为因素的错误，绝！
The argument presented above is relatively sound（范文开头经常使用让步承认题干一定的可能性）, however, the author fails to recognize all the elements necessary to evaluate his situation（指出考虑不全面，统领全文）.
The idea that more money be invested in advertising may be a helpful one, but perhaps not because people are unaware of the current reviews（让步+指出一个假因—这句话是全文中心句）.
To clarify, it may be necessary to advertise more in order to increase sales, however that could be due to many circumstances such as a decrease in the public's overall attendance, an increase in the cost of movies, or a lack of trust in the opinions of the reviewers.（指出结论措施必须的考虑因素，下文论证是按此提出的顺序来的）——开头首先从结论措施的角度考虑，比较特别

The advertising director first needs to determine the relative proportion of movie goers that choose to see Silver Screen films（措施1：实际上是指出了调查的错误）.
That will help him to understand his market share.
If the population in general is attending less, then he may still be out-profiting his competitors, despite his individual sales decrease.
In fact, his relative sales could be increasing.
Determining where he stands in his market will help him to create and implement an action plan（点题）.

Another important thing to consder is the relative cost of attending movies to the current standard of living（指出了大的生活水平对具体小事的影响）.
If the standard of living is decreasing, it may contribute to an overall decrease in attendance.
In that case, advertising could be very helpful, in that a clever campaign could emphasize the low cost of movies as compared to many other leisure activities.
This could offset financial anxieties of potential customers.（此措施的作用）

Finally, it is important to remember that people rarely trust movie reviewers.（再指出一个主要假因）
For that reason, it is important that the films appeal to the populus, and not critics alone.
The best advertisement in many cases is word of mouth.（通过讨论什么样的广告是有效的广告层层引出制作好电影的结论）

No matter what critics say, people tend to take the opinions of friends more seriously.
This supports continual funding to produce quality movies that will appeal to the average person（反驳只是宣传，指出制作新电影的可能）.

There is no reason that silver screen should not spend more on advertisement, however, there is reason to continue to invest in diverse, quality films.（完全让人找不到反驳点的让步，讨论了两者的共存可能性—总结全文态度，重申论证核心） Furthermore, the company must consider carefully what it chooses to emphasize in its advertisement.（改进建议：要宣传那么在广告中应着重哪一点）


COMMENTARY
Although the essay begins by stating that the argument "is relatively sound," it immediately goes on to develop a critique.
The essay identifies three major flaws in the argument and provides a careful and thorough analysis.
The main points discussed are that

-- the fall-off in attendance might be industry wide
-- the general state of the economy might have affected movie

attendance
-- movie goers "rarely trust movie reviewers"

Each of these points is developed; together they are presented within the context of a larger idea: that while spending more money on advertising may be helpful, the company should "continue to invest in diverse, quality films."

This is a smoothly written, well-developed analysis in which syntactic variety and the excellent use of transitions make for a virtually seamless essay.
This paper clearly merits a score of 6.

SAMPLE-2 (score 5)
(302)
The advertising director of Silver Screen should lose his job.
It is clear that his analysis of the decrease in attendance in the past year was incomplete.
A better qualified individual might have explored the issue further by doing several different things.
First of all, surveys of the general population could provide a clue to the decreased viewership. They may find that people aren't as willing to pay the high prices anymore.
A survey may also reveal that people are aware of Silver Screen, but opt not to see the films.
An inspection of the nature of the films made by Silver Screen could also hint to the root of the problem.
If Silver Screen produces a lot of the same type of movie, then the problem may be that they don't produce enough to appeal to the diverse interests of the population.
For instance, if their movies typically contain excessive violence and foul language, parents won't take their children to these films.
That is a significant portion of the potential viewing population lost.（从调查整体和影片质量内容等来讨论观众不看的原因）

The ad director mentions that reviewers liked specific films and gave more
favorable reviews than in the past.
But he neglects to mention the specific numbers- critics may have raved about 2 movies and turned their thumbs down the 10 others.
If thats' the case, it's no wonder that viewership has declined.（数据模糊）

Spending more on advertising, and less on production, as the ad director suggests, could drive the company out of business.（提出原文结论的adv:disadv）
If the media builds alot of hype over a new release that was poorly produced, people are more likely to be disappointed, and skeptical about future productions.
This is certainly not in the company's best interests. What is in the company's best interest is a broader scope of the problem, and different approaches to solving I（改进建议）


COMMENTARY
This strong essay begins with an attack on the advertising director of Silver Screen but quickly shifts to identifying major flaws in the argument.
The main points of the critique are that

-- the real reasons for a decline in viewership have not yet been

identified;
-- Silver Screen may not produce different kinds of movies to appeal to

diverse interests;
-- the number of favorably reviewed movies may actually have been

very low; and
-- spending money to produce a possibly poor movie would hurt rather

than help the company.

Although more points are made here than are made in sample 6, each of the points made in the 6 essay is developed.
That is not the case here.
In this essay, each point is supported (by perhaps an additional sentence), but it is not further developed.
The essay is smoothly organized with few but appropriate transitions.
The writing is strong with some variety in syntax.
For these reasons, this response earns a score of 5.

SAMPLE-3 (score 4)
(207)
Although the reasoning in this arguement is logical, the writer failed to consider other reasons for the disparity between the percentage of people attending the company's movie and the percentage of favorable reviews.
Perhaps the fault lies with the reviewers and not the production company; the public may not trust the critics' reviews.
Another posibility for the attendance drop is that the general public does not find the subject matter of the movies enticing.
If that were the case, spending less on producing new movies in an effort to re-direct funds to advertising could backfire by further limiting the types of movies available to the potential audience.
Maybe the general public is simply not impressed with the critically-acclaimed qualities of the movies (such as eloquent screenplays, artful cinematography, and realistic acting) and and would prefer seeing flashy special effects and big-name stars.
The possible reasons for the attendance decline are numerous; even aspects not directly related to the movie industry (such as the improving quality of television programming and the increasing popularity of home computer use) may play large roles.
The company's management would be wise to consider and study the entire realm of possibilities before making drastic changes in its budget based on one statistical discovery.


COMMENTARY
This essay identifies and analyzes some important flaws in the argument.
Although the number of points mentioned is the same as that in the sample 5 essay, this response remains at the 4 score level because the features of the argument that are identified are not developed or supported.

The essay identifies four points:

-- the public might not trust critics
-- the movies' subject matter might not be appealing
-- the public might prefer seeing special effects or big-name stars rather

than good cinematography or realistic acting
-- perhaps improvement in TV programming or increased use of home

computers has kept people away from movie theaters

Ideas in the essay are conveyed well and clearly; the use of language and syntax are generally strong.
But the essay's "bare-bones（只有骨架）" analysis give it a list-like quality.
It is therefore merely adequate and merits a score of 4.

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

Issue的范：
Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

6
（529）
特点：引导的方式，出色的交流互动；出色的语言把握；

全文本质是科技与生活的失衡。
Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history（这句很巧，只用了个broadly就立刻对原文定义表达了自己的看法）.
Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology.
For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together.
Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes.(从古溯源，说明了科技的源头表现，它的利处和原因)
Only very lately(点题) have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology.
The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks.
As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine.
Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.(从科技对人们的影响发生重大转折的事件说起，举出了具例)
——背景综述，利弊兼顾

The benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous(利处，单用particularly一个词既暗示了举例又不显的片面，妙).
They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines.
Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home.
He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms.
Hungry?
Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service.
Bored?
Download a new game.
And yet...（特殊手法：想象举例）——利
（本段最后用了四个事例，实际上都是用erg给串连起来的，也包括下一段。安排的顺序：事业=〉朋友=〉生存=〉娱乐，一步一步地指向个人的内心世界，人的精神层面。）
Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision(每一段作者都打破了reader猜测的范围，上一段说了利，这段又说自己对此也抱怀疑态度，既在思想上递进了又体现了良好的交流性).
Erg may be doing work, but is it real work?
Are his online friends real friends?
Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital?（连用三个疑问句，明确的指出了这种交流的弊端，且疑问内容也是从概括到具体递进的）
Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless.（道出了孤独的特点）
The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data(比喻).
We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends.
We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them.(此2句排比)
In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.（指出了精神危机，承上启下）
——弊
（与上一段首句相照应。很好的承接了上一段落的内容。同时，在例子论证方面，与上一段的每一个点都有照应。一步一步的将上一段质疑。这种釜底抽薪的质疑使得上一段看似很牛的证明崩溃。）

As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result.(引导自己也引导reader思考科技的最初作用，从而为上文的两个观点找到一个合适的立场去平衡，作者体现了出色的与reader交流的能力。学习！合理的多使用I来表达)

A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art.(比喻，同时也呼应了开头段的原始工具)
Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time.(道明现今科技的反向作用) We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.
We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.(具体细节描述，生动可读)
——对比科技出现时与现今的情况是不同的
（本段从科技本质出发，倾向于说科技的不好，但是不带批评色彩，很聪明的另辟蹊径，指向本源）

While I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life(平衡观点出现).
We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world.
Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information.(再次申明科技是有好处的，暗示我们需要的是合理的去利用)
Now we need to apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.（我们应怎样做，以现状的形式表达出来具有新意）
——表明观点，平衡合理的对待，合理利用

COMMENTARY


This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.
The essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and thenplayfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history.
The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and life" is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

话说对这个文字编辑功能真是不得不拜服。。。发eco.的时候从来显示不了棕色，到这儿就只能出来棕色~~~服了╭(╯3╰)╮

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

好几天没来更新了。。。错了~~
前天和大四的学姐一块儿吃饭，过一段时间她们就离校实习去了，给我们讲了一晚上关于投简历、找工作中遇到的事情，虽然对有些早有所闻，不过some parts还真是shocking的够可以~不论大家未来怎么走，都不容易呢~
感慨一哈子，考试周来了，匿去复习~~

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

好久没来打理日志了，惭愧，经历了恐怖的期末考试，现在终于回归了。。。但是因为有课题还是不能闲着，人生。。哎。。。狂补作业吧。。。再次惭愧